Underachieving overachiever named Elizabeth.

"You must not reduce yourself to a puddle just because the person you like is afraid to swim and you are a fierce sea to them; because there will be someone who was born with love of the waves within their blood, and they will look at you with fear and respect."
- T.B. LaBerge // Things I’m Still Learning at 25 (via tblaberge)

(via octopusandrockets)

The purpose of all the US’s surveillance is to gather data on how many spiders crawl into an American citizen’s mouth in a year.

  • Teacher: How much is a gram?
  • Me: Shit, Depends on what you want..

tinyhousedarling:

Finding out that the police are crooked is like finding out your teddy bear is also the monster under the bed.

zacharylevis:

I FUCKING HATE BAZINGA TWINK AND THAT THE BIG BANG SUCK MY ASS SHOW FUCKING SEXIST ASS SHOW ABOUT WHITE NERDS THAT MAKE SCIENCE JOKES FROM LIKE THE FIFTH GRADE HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT STILL WINNING FUCKING AWARDS LITERALLY BAZINGA MY FUCKING ASSHOLE 

(via littlewane)

One time a guy told me his long island was too strong.

Um.

You’re drinking a large cup of liquor with a drop of Pepsi idk how special u think that’s gonna taste.

I also judge people who won’t drink rail vodka in their bloody Mary.

I judge everybody who orders a long island iced tea.

amporca:

Trying on clothes is really hard when you hate yourself. Liking someone is really hard when you hate yourself. Eating is really hard when you hate yourself. Life is really hard when you hate yourself.

(via runningwiththeredballoon)

Accidentally kissed a stranger.

fagome:

are you gonna kiss me or do i have to lie to my diary

(Source: codegeass, via minagineo)

apocalypsedreams:

Meme, M’self & I: My Life as a Men’s Rights Activist

(via littlewane)

It started out with an oldies song and a hard hit to the nads.

Somebody cut me off from social media. He’s too good and he makes me stupid and I’m about to make a fool of myself.